Life

Life is a constant obstacle course. You work so hard to get to the top, the view is great and the air is fresh. But you must get down and face your obligation to move forward. And so the journey continues.

I had my surgery. RNY Gastric Bypass on the 6th. It was most definitely a brave and amazing choice to make for myself. I am doing fantastic with the help of my amazing husband and the love that just beams off of my son into my heart. I am walking this path, too weak for an obstacle course yet ;).

Feeling I need my mother and I am trying to convince her to come and help me on the journey. She lives in Costa Rica so it’s quite the trip as I live in the northern US. Wrote her an email tonight we will see if she has time to come.

Marriage.

My husband just told me he cannot look at me without being angry. No, I didn’t cheat, nothing like that. He’s upset because he has been trying to get me to find a part-time night job. I’m a stay at home mom now and I work Sundays at a photo studio. He works crazy hours and now things are slowing down to the point where I can get a job that starts at 5pm. But he has been pressuring me to work since August. Even though he was working 15+ hour days before and we cannot afford daycare.

I’ve had a hard time the past 4 months with trying to get approved for gastric bypass surgery, being a good mom, and helping out my best friend who attempted suicide in September. She is just now stabilized, I was going crazy taking her to appointments and spending nights in the hospital next to her. It was a lot and I’m sure I was running on adrenaline for quite awhile.

This whole thing with my friend has put a huge emotional drain on me. I love her so much and everything I did was because I love her and WANTED to help. I still want to help.

Now here I am, going to sleep on the couch. Confused and lost.