HEROIN
Please respect your body enough to care for it. I know someone from high school who lost their life to Heroin recently. I just found out the circumstances and there must be something really bad going around New York right now. It is just not worth it people! I’m heartbroken that things ended this way.
I have been working on getting RNY gastric bypass since July! It’s been a process to say the least. The biggest hurdles were the psychiatric clearance and the insurance approval!
I haven’t had weight issues all my life. It started when I was 17 and the pounds just packed on by the time I was 19 I was over 200 lbs. I was terrified and sick all the time. I had many people, mostly family, with their opinions. I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance at the age of 20. I was put on Metformin and birth control. This helped me but also has made me so frustrated. I cannot live without these medications. In addition I have had to fight severe depression and anxiety.
I am beyond excited to have this new tool to help me with my health goal. I can get of Metformin which takes a toll on my body and I can feel better. Don’t judge people by their weight, it’s extremely hard to battle a disease that causes weight gain. I would workout for 2 hours a day with little result. Cut ALL sugar with no result. I’ve been to the Mayo Clinic for help and they have done all they can do… there is only so much that can be done with PCOS.
CHANGE IS COMING
Am I in love with a shadow? Have I been chasing myself, when I’ve been here all along?
My husband just told me he cannot look at me without being angry. No, I didn’t cheat, nothing like that. He’s upset because he has been trying to get me to find a part-time night job. I’m a stay at home mom now and I work Sundays at a photo studio. He works crazy hours and now things are slowing down to the point where I can get a job that starts at 5pm. But he has been pressuring me to work since August. Even though he was working 15+ hour days before and we cannot afford daycare.
I’ve had a hard time the past 4 months with trying to get approved for gastric bypass surgery, being a good mom, and helping out my best friend who attempted suicide in September. She is just now stabilized, I was going crazy taking her to appointments and spending nights in the hospital next to her. It was a lot and I’m sure I was running on adrenaline for quite awhile.
This whole thing with my friend has put a huge emotional drain on me. I love her so much and everything I did was because I love her and WANTED to help. I still want to help.
Now here I am, going to sleep on the couch. Confused and lost.
It’s funny how much the little things we discover become who we are. It’s one of the things that scares me the most about life. I wish there was a way to control our own outcome, but really it’s the things we stumble upon that end up defining us.
I stumbled upon my best friend. I stumbled upon the right man to spend my life with… Don’t get me wrong when things are stumbled upon it doesn’t make it easy, to keep up with life you need to keep up with these things. I work constantly on my marriage and my friendships.
My favorite movie is “Almost Famous”. I caught this movie on TV when I was in high school, I’ve since built my life and get inspiration from this movie. If I ever loose myself I can always watch it and snap back.
My favorite band, The White Stripes. Again I just found them I had the TV on at the right moment. I didn’t watch TV much when I was in high school but I would during mornings at my dad’s while waiting for him to wake up. In one day I discovered “The White Stripes” and “The Strokes”. I was known for my love of these bands in high school. This music was what defined me to others, people that didn’t know me knew me as “The Strokes girl” sounds naughty, but this is true. I promise nothing dirty attached, I was a good girl. For the most part…
Late one night I was awake at my grandmother house, unable to sleep. I was flicking through the channels and stumbled upon the movie “Motel Hell”. Genius! I have been in love with cheesy horror movies ever since, I have quite the collection and I truly enjoy watching them. Over and over! I have yet to find someone who enjoys them as well, I do know of a few friends of mine who do to an extent… Then I say I liked “Human Centipede” and they look at me nuts. I cannot shut up so I just think… Fuck it! “I’ve seen it 3 times”. I may have lost some respect, BUT do whatever you want. What’s the since in faking it, with anything!? Life is living and you are not living unless you are being honest with yourself.
I am unhealthy obsessed with Jack White. I will end on that.
Getting through life with writing. 